INTERESTING NEWS: IF YOU’RE IN A SEXLESS MARRIAGE LIVING IN THE SEXIEST OF CITIES, YOU HAPPEN TO BE IN GOOD COMPANY
So, you thought the same Miami heat that brings on an endless parade of scantily clad men and women on any given day would have a trickle down effect on Miamian marriages. Miamians are hot looking to be sure, and you’d think with all the crossfitting, marathon running and endless maintenance of that bronzed glow we’d be getting it on more. Interestingly, dry sheets in the bedroom is a topic commonly discussed in counseling sessions at Arvon & Associates.
WHAT CAUSES SEXLESS MARRIAGES IN THE FIRST PLACE:
It’s normal to hit a dry spell in your relationship once the children come along but if you get into the bad habit of not addressing this issue you could be headed for a roommate situation and a serious marital problem to boot.
A sharp decrease in sexual activity and someone is bound to feel unwanted, unappreciated, disconnected from, or unloved. In short time, the rejected partner will stop spending time with the other. Laughing and playing together will become
a game of the past and the bond will weaken leaving a greater chance for infidelity to make an unwelcome visit upon your marriage.
HOW TO TELL IF YOU’RE IN A SEXLESS MARRIAGE:
- You only have sex one or two times per month
- Sex has become a bother and a chore
- You are the only one initiating sex because your spouse doesn’t show any interest at all.
- Your spouse is more interested in the phone or what’s on Netflix than in making love with you.
- Your mate is addicted to pornography.
HOW TO FIX IT:
Experts report that couples who spend more time together engaging in various activities and who learn enhanced communication skills, have more sex.
At Arvon & Associates we have therapists that teach the Imago approach to
couple’s dialogue to resolve conflict and drastically improve communication. Nothing like feeling a little validated and empathized with to get your juices flowing!
You may try taking up a new activity together as novelty helps. Rutgers University Anthropologist Helen Fisher says, “Research shows that novelty–taking risks or trying something new–can trigger the release of dopamine in the brain. Try scanning the Groupons in your area for ideas. Even simpler- try taking public transportation together (when’s the last time you took the Metrorail?) or act like tourists and take a walking tour. Just try something different.
MEDICAL CONDITIONS CAN PUT A DAMPER ON YOUR MOJO…
If you or your partner have an underlying medical condition, get help. You would be amazed at what medical technology can do nowadays. For example, menopausal women who suffer pain during intercourse now have an added resource with the new MonaLisa Touch. This painless intravaginal laser will make itchiness, dryness, burning and pain during sexual intercourse a thing of the past.! Skip the goopy mess of vaginal creams and go for the estrogen ring (visit Estring.com). If your man is suffering from a lack of sex drive and erectile dysfunction these are sexual problems that can result from low testosterone. If low testosterone is the cause, treating it can help.
There is no reason to compromise the quality of your sex life. Do the research, talk to a doctor that is up on the latest and try it out! There are many solutions that can help, but you must speak frankly with your doctor. They have heard it all and will be able to help if you are honest.
ADULT SLIP N’ SLIDE:
Lubricants can increase sexual satisfaction and generally make sex easier and more comfortable for both partners. However, choose wisely as lubricants are not without their problems.
MARRIAGE & COUPLE COUNSELING CAN HELP:
Lastly, consider seeing a professional counselor. If your partner is not ready to come as a couple you can always come alone. No pun intended. Sometimes changes made by one of the partners can initiate welcome changes in the other. A positive change made by you can be an exciting influence on your relationship.
You can always be the change you wish to see in your relationship by starting therapy today.
By Gabriela Nieves MSW, MA, RCSWI at Arvon & Associates in Counseling