Dr Coral Arvon


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Want to Lower Your Anxiety?

By Coral Arvon, PhD, LMFT, LCSW



Talk in the third person, having a monologue with yourself. Talking about yourself out loud by name, can give you a psychological edge. It could help you perform better and be less anxious.

Some people might think you’ve lost your sanity,  so do it silently not for the general public. It might make you appear a bit strange due to social attitudes and judgments.


Using a third-person perspective can help people achieve personal goals like trying to lose weight, be less anxious when speaking before a large group or improving your health in other ways.



Going through a hard time? Think about yourself in the third person: Being detached from problems helps deal with anxiety and trauma

Studies have found people made more rational decisions if they were detached. Also when tackling a problem as an observer, you make better, thought out decisions. Compared to saying I have this difficult over- whelming problem and taking impulsive action.

"want to lower your anxiet"

When your experiencing difficult times try to see the world through someone else’s eyes.

Research has found the best way to tackle a heartbreaking or personal trauma is to distance yourself from it and think about the problem in the third person.

People faced with the idea of a cheating spouse, for example, were more likely to think wisely about the situation, if they considered it as an observer would.

 This works well for me if I crave sugar when I’m really hungry, and feel that I can’t wait for dinner, I might say,

“Coral you can’t wait, eat now” And I do. Then I might add, “See you have no willpower, you’re so weak”

Then, I simply say “ Coral you can wait, eat an apple and go for a walk around the block”

“I do have willpower and I am strong and make healthy decisions, might as well grab a bottle of water to go!”

This approach makes me sound a bit narcissistic, but the thing is, it really works.

What we are doing here is using language that almost automatically gets you to think about yourself as if you were another person.

Other research looked at how the many different forms of self-talk and how they affect the way people thought about events that provoked social anxiety. Those who talked to themselves with “you” or a name tended to see future stressors more as a challenge and less as a threat.

"want to lower your anxiety?"

The Arvon Method ™ 

Write down your negative self thoughts.
  1. Say I …………..
  2. Say Tom you……………..
  3. Say Tom your going down a dark path
  4. Say Flip The Switch………..  see the light come on !
  5. Say Tom……….(say the opposite , the positive )
  6. Say I am………..( all in the positive) BRING IT HOME


In times of social stress, the small language shift from “I” to “you” or to your name as you think about the situation can enhance your ability to regulate thoughts and feelings, according to a study in the February issue of the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. Feb 2014.

People who take negativity outside of themselves, speak in third person, (have a monologue with themselves) have more self-esteem, positivity, and are far more productive & successful in life. Speaking in the 3rd person about yourself as if you were another person provides psychological, emotional space, which helps people exert self-control and have more willpower.

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